My emotional roller coaster

I decided to put up two different blog as I simply have too much to write:

one - on what is happening to Ah sky

two - my thoughts

Ah sky has been in our household since sept 2005. He's coming to 5 years old this Sept. Still a young cat. He has not been an healthy cat since I adopted him. With inguinal hernia and constant flu.. we thought he had FIV luckily it wasn't. We nursed him back to health to a now healthy fat and flabby cat whom has since won the hearts of each and every member of my family.

These past two weeks had been extremely stressful and emotional for my sister and I. I might had prepared myself for the worst when the vet 1st told us ah sky could have kidney failure but I simply couldn't stop my tears from flowing.

While we were waiting in the clinic during at the clinic. I saw an female owner with a her dog I think its a Maltese.. quite old in age... I couldn't help but overheard her conversation with the receptionist that she's bringing her dog for her routine drip. I could see the dog's record on the PC screen from where I was sitting (okie pardon me for violating the dog's confidentiality). I got to know that the Maltese is blind in the eyes (?both) and got kidney problem hence the need for the routine SC drip. The Maltese seems restless sitting beside me on the bench kept scratching the bench with his paw. When the owner placed him on the floor it was then I understood what the Maltese was trying to do. It's struggling to stand up or walk but simply too weak. It seems the Maltese was trying to use its paw in a futile attempt to bring or drag itself up hence the scratching sound of its paw..

Yes it makes me feel for the dog... however the owner seems relaxed and oblivious to her dog's condition. I am not trying to say that the owner is not caring. I am sure the owner is coping in her own her ways and is giving the best for the dog otherwise she won't have bothered to give it to the vet...

From there, I suddenly ask myself... When is enough, enough? When do you know its time to let go despite giving all treatment. If that Maltese is my dog, would I want to continue to put it through the treatments.. knowing the treatments are not to cure but prolong their lives?

I spent the whole day at my mum's house after the morning ultrasound at the hospital. I took a few more pictures of him.

Perhaps its the dim environment that made ah sky look even sicker. He was hiding under the bed the moment he came back from the ultrasound. My father came in to talk to ah sky.. perhaps to give him some pep talk to get him to come out. It was then my sister asked my father..

Pa, do you like ah sky?

My father smiled and hesitated a few seconds before he answered..

Of course lah, he's our cat and part of the family..

I think it really takes a lot for my father to give such a reply. His affection for Ah sky is as much as each and everyone of us. Nonetheless, my sister and I were tremendously touched.

Later that afternoon, a baby lizard decided to drop a dare stint by crawling across the living room much to the terror of my sister.

My father immediately called for ah sky to come out and catch the baby lizard. Ah sky came out..

U see... my father and Ah sky have this amazing relationship that is unlike the rest of us. My father is the only one in the family who is able to engage in a "conversation" with him. He would always pep talk Ah sky asking him to be on night duty to catch cockroaches or lizard in the kitchen which ah Sky will always response with a meow... On most occasion, if my father were to shout from the kitchen that there are cockroaches, ah sky will really come into the kitchen! If the rest of us were try that with Ah sky, chances are he's sure to ignore us... I guess that's how special Ah Sky is to papa..

Anyway that day.. ah sky almost seems back to his usual selfAh sky looked at what papa was looking

And he decided to give him a helping paw with the baby lizard..Lizard died eventually with the aid of a rolled up paper.. my father threw it away before it became Ah sky's snack..

Ah sky looked on longingly as my father threw the baby lizard away...

The frenzy afternoon lizard event must have tired him out and I found him sleeping on the edge of my parent's bed (father went out) while my mother in the room.

Part of his tummy's fur shaved off..

He looked so contentedly asleep like he's not even sick at all. Later that evening when we brought him back to the clinic for repeat blood test the vet said had to do a urine test as well. He did not struggled much during the blood taking. I instinctively hold him after the blood taking to comfort. I can feel his claws clung onto my chest as if he's telling me he's scare or in pain. It brought back memory of how Ah sky had clung onto me the very 1st moment I brought him out from the cage at the Foster's home.

Vet had said he will never recover from his condition. We can only give him medication and modify his diet to prevent his condition from deteriorating. Even if his Crea level shows that its normal it doesn't mean that his kidney function has recover it only simply means that the medication and controlled diet he's having is sufficient to help his kidney to function.

Ah Sky is still young.. and still have many years to go before he will start to deteriorate. But not now so we will fight on with him.. As we struggle to absorb the fact of his condition and my sister struggle to cope with the new medication regime, I know we can find the rhythm of it in time to come.

I don't suppose any of my friends will understand what i am going through now. Only people who have pets will understand the agony and the necessity providing treatment to their pets when they are sick despite the fact that they are only animals. Some friends laughed it off thinking it seems funny when I told them what had happened to Orange in the past. It was hurting but I can't blame them for they do not own a pet. I am fortunate enough to have the support from hubby and family who all love ah sky very much.

Now I know I do not hope that Ah sky will recover from his condition. I only hope that he regain to his normal self soon and get use to his medication regime...

We love you ah sky.. you must be strong okie!